Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
