I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
