I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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