I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
