so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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