can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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