hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
