I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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