Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
