It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
