Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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