she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
