somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
