Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
