I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
