you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
