Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
