I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
