I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just had sex bonerless
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
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