where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
