I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
