what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
