Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
