I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
