Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
