I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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