Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am one with the molecules
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
