VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
