Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
