It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
