The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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