yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
