I cannot find my penis.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
