So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
