i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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