standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
