so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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