God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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