OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
