I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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