his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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