this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
