I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The feeling are messing with the penis
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
