You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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