i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
