People in love make me want to vomit
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
