just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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