...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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