If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
