Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
