When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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