Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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