i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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