Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
