I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
