i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you traded sex for a burrito?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
