I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
