bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
