Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
