Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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