I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
