we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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