How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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