I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dicks are not precious.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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