"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
