Don't you send me to vm
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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