It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
