I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
