Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
