whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
