whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
