another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
