apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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