I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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