I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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