So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize