If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
