She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
