Can i not drive my cunt home
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
