please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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