I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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