I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize