The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
