a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
