I want to have your abortion
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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