Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
