went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
