um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I touched a dick in church today
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
