I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
