i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize