I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
