I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
