Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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