Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
