i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
