the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize