she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
