I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
