I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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