And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I understand Curling. That high.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
