I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
