Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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