i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
