So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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