I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
