Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
