He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
