I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
