thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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