I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize