it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
