there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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