i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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